dear victoria's secret models,

you are all very beautiful,
but you make me feel like i should never eat again.

*sigh*

-Molly

i saw precious tonight.
it's an absolutely incredibly moving movie.
devastatingly sad, but extremely moving.
i would definitely recommend it to anyone.
it inspired me so much.
it's a beautiful film.

"and in that tunnel, the only light they had, was inside of them.
and then long after they escape that tunnel,
they still be shinning for everybody else."

i forgot to post pictures of my beautiful flowers.
my family got my my favorite flowers, birds of paradise, for my birthday.
they make me so happy.
i can only wish that someday i find someone who loves me as much as they do,
to surprise me with my favorite flower.

thanksgiving wasn't as bad as i expected it to be. at first, i was really cynical, and upset.
but i realized that i just have to keep telling myself that things change. things can't stay the way they always were.
and i have to pick myself up, adapt to the situation, and move on.
therefore, i just enjoyed and ate way too much food. spent time with my sister. and saw a great movie, the blind side. <3 so good.

so now that it's the day after thanksgiving, i am in full christmas season mode.
it's my favorite time of year, i really find it so magical. and i really do believe in
the magic of the christmas season and people just seem to be nicer this time of year.

so i downloaded and made a master christmas music playlist yesterday. and while listening
to it, Christmas when you were mine came on.
I know this shouldn't be a lonely time
But there were Christmases when you were mine

I've been doing fine without you, really
Up until the nights got cold
And everybody's here, except you, baby
Seems like everyone's got someone to hold

i tend to to get really jealous and lonely
during christmas because it seems like everybody has somebody and i'm just alone.
i know that not EVERYBODY i know is taken. but sometimes it feels like that. it just seems like
everyone i know is getting engaged or moving on to the that "next step" and have found "the one".

i'm only 21 years old, so i really should not be panicking about never getting married at this point.
but since it has been a very long time since i've had someone special in my life, my mind is getting to me.
i know it's going to be impossible to find someone when i'm living in this same, little town, i've been in for
20 plus years. i know i need to get out. but i can't seem to get there.
ah, give me strength to be alone and be okay with that.

i don't really know why i haven't been updating.
i guess i just really feel like i don't have much to say.
i'm incredibly tired all the time now, it seems.
i have no drive to try for anything.
i have no drive to try for myself.


i think it's hitting me a lot harder than i wish it had.
i want to let you go so bad.
i want to hate you so bad.